What? How?

The question on deck, the question of the year, the question of the decade is – how do people live their best life with no job? Like how is it possible that you are a world traveler and going to Coachella and hot new clubs and restaurant openings?  Those things are not free let alone cheap or are they?  And the follow up question is how am I struggling with a job (that hardly pays) and I can barely afford a trip across the street?

I thought I did everything I was supposed to do.  I’m a nice and honest person.  I’m certified in all that I do.   I’ve attended so many trainings to better myself in the beauty industry and still scrape together spare change to continue my education in my career field and still I cannot get ahead.

Is it that I’m not sleep with anyone to get ahead?  Or that I’m not conning anyone?

If anyone has seen the “How To Live Your Best Life Without Actually Doing Any Work Or Having An Income” manual, please let me know.


Not Ok

There are a lot of things that I don’t like or care for.  But today I need to do a little venting about selfish people.  Well, one selfish person in particular.  I’m so angry this probably won’t even make sense.

I work with and for this person and I have to say that for the year and some change I’ve been in that shop I haven’t seen much change or growth with her.

It’s not that I don’t like this person, I just don’t have much respect for her.  At least not so much anymore.

I do a lot of house mouse duties and organizational and administrative work.  For free.  And unless I have a client of my own or assisting the owners with their clients I don’t get paid.  It’s not awesome, but I like to believe that all that I do, especially without being told or asked, will be rewarded.  And just as it was looking like my reward was coming through this selfish heifer has a problem with the plan that her and her business partner came up with to put a little change in my pocket.  And all because  suddenly she didn’t fully understand the agreement that was made between them for my tiny compensation.  Ain’t that some bullshit?

And not only is she selfish but she has a lame story for EVERYTHING.  Like, if you had a cousin that went into space, she has an uncle that made that rocket that your cousin rode in for the space journey.  All things at all times have to be about her.

She fancies herself an actress.  I’m just gonna pass on that.

This selfish broad doesn’t seem to want to do anything for anybody not realizing the ass she’s trying to kick and treat bad today is the ass she’s going to have to kiss tomorrow.

I hope this gets sorted out because I’ll be damned if I’m going to get profited from for nothing.  That’s not ok.

Good Energy

Work has been ok lately.  Of course not financially as of yet, but it’s coming.  I can feel it.  I have been given a more managerial role which I had taken on anyway, but it’s always nice to have the official green light.  And this green light has given me more leeway for my input and so much more.  I feel like progress is being made and that’s always a good thing for any type of success.

Plans are still in the works for the upcoming project and I’m a little more in loop as far as development and I’ve missed this.  This being admin.  I can do admin.  I have a  passion for doing nails and being in the beauty industry but administration is something that I’m real familiar with.  It’s like it’s really my time to start shining at the salon now.  I find it ironic that I’m excelling at something I wasn’t even hired for but I feel like less of a joke.  Things feel so positive.  We have all been speaking it out loud to the universe that this project is going to happen.  Good energy all around.

In the meantime I’ve been trying marketing strategies, or rather new ones.  I’ve upped my ante a bit.  So far nothing yet, but these things take time right?

The Little Things

I gotta say that for the past few days I’ve been humbled ever more.  The water in my house has been out for those past few days and it has not been awesome.  It started with a leak in the garage and some things were turned on and off dealing with the water flow for the house – and something broke.  So now, no water.  And this situation just got out of hand.  Now the water for the whole area has to be shut off for a simple fix.  But you gotta do what you gotta do.  I want to throw in that I had absolutely nothing to do with this lol.

I miss the little things like having a working toilet or being able to shower, and even washing the damn dishes.  I’ve been making things work the best that I can by telling myself that if I could make it through deployments and if people who willingly live out of vans with no amenities can do it, then this should be a cake walk until things get resolved.

This new adventure just reinforces my decision to never buy an old house – or a house period.  There are just too many problems to deal with and trust me there are many the older the house is.

And as if the house problems aren’t enough, there’s always the HOA and their messed up rules and regulations to contend with.  But I do know that things could be way worse, and they probably are for somebody else.

Appreciate the little things.

Feelings of Complication

Do you know someone, anyone, that has a great flair for the dramatic?  Do you know someone, anyone, that has to make their problems seem bigger and greater than yours?  Do you know someone, anyone, that is constantly making things out to be more than what they are?  I do.

How do you compete with your feelings with someone like that when you shouldn’t have to?

Nothing is ever good enough, nothing you do is right.  But there is anger and hurt feelings when you don’t talk.  What’s the point though?  Whatever you say is just going to trigger a soap box show.

You’re expected to show concern and you do because you are really concerned.  But a simple question like “ are you feeling better?”, incites long detailed rants about what they have to go through and how they are better at coping better than you.  Like I seriously didn’t know we were competing.

This is an extremely delicate and very complex and complicated relationship.  Thankfully this isn’t a romantic or physical thing.  Walking away or cutting this person out of my life isn’t an option.

Something has got to change.  But change can’t happen unless all parties involved are open to it.  That’s just my humble opinion.

This makes seeking out new relationships difficult for me.  I just don’t have it in me to deal with others due to what I’m already subjected to.  And comfort in my own solitude sometimes get a little old.

I don’t know if I’m just overly sensitive, but my feelings are all over the place, mostly due to others and what they are feeling.  A weakness of my astrological sign I suppose.  But maybe in the end it’s a strength.


Others Success

”The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”  – Bette Midler

This quote really resonates with me.  I mean I have mixed emotions about it.  There is much truth to it.

Recently I caught up with a friend of mine that’s also in the beauty industry.  Like me, she’s an aesthetician and she’s a lash artist and unlike me she doesn’t provide nail services.  We worked together for a while until she moved to a different salon.

We are both pretty new to the game and neither of us got very many clients, so she made the decision to move locations and that is slowly paying off for her.  I knew it would and it’s only going to get better for her.  For her, I am truly happy.

As for me, I’m still trying to hold on at the salon I’m at due to the the project that the owners are still trying to get off the ground.  I need for this project to be successful.  Ever since I was told about it I can’t stop thinking about it.  I guess you could say it’s driving me to continue on at that salon.

Then there’s the matter of other people that I thought were friends but they aren’t.  I can’t even call them acquaintances at this point, but business seems to be booming for them.  I admit to jealousy and I admit to not being entirely happy for their success.  Perhaps it’s because I know their struggles to get where they are weren’t real.  Perhaps it’s because some of them really aren’t good people.  It’s a strange thing to try and make sense of and explain.

On this new career journey there has only been a handful of people that I’ve met that have truly been in my corner and actually have been following my progress.  But do they feel about me the way I feel about others in terms of success?  How could they?  I don’t feel that the success train has even considered traveling in my direction, and yet I’m standing at the same platform as everyone else. At least I think I am.

I’m going to keep waiting for the success train until I no longer can.  It’s not easy, but…we’ll see what happens.

Oh and an update about Otis and the coffee date…that isn’t going to happen.  Another dud.  Other people’s kids…that’s I have to say about it.

The Latest Fix

Salted caramel brownies are my latest addiction.  Not that I need to be eating them, but I can’t help it – they’re delicious.  And just for the record, I am not sitting around eating brownies all day.

I actually don’t even like chocolate that much, or rather I’m real picky about it.  Like the people I choose to interact with, I can take or leave it.  Mostly I leave it.

I have checked in on the dating app that I’m using and I have been messaging with this new guy that I will nickname Otis.  So far Otis seems to be nice, but that’s how it always starts lol.

I’m supposed to meet up with Otis in a few days for coffee.  Part of me is nervous and a little excited about meeting him and the other part of me is just waiting to see if this is going to be a disaster.  Some would say that I’m being negative but far from it.

It’s little things that I’ve noticed that I’ve been tallying up.  For instance, the whole time (about two weeks) that Otis and I have been messaging he has never referred to me by name.  He hasn’t even made an attempt to abbreviate it for his convenience to remember it or anything.  However I will give him half a point for not giving me an unwanted or unwarranted pet name.  It’s refreshing to not be called love, baby, sweetie, honey, babe, etc. by someone who isn’t my significant other or someone I don’t even know.

If coffee with Otis is a bust, then I still hav my salted caramel brownies.  Those are never a disaster, unless the person who made them can’t bake lol.